Ber Vero Amor

my cats legal name is Ber Vero Amor. the first name comes from him acting like a bear and the name just felt right, the middle name was named after Veronica, and Amor means love. he got his own room(the closet) right now and he loves it!

good God

i just went online and checked when my class starts and find out i'm no longer enrolled. what the fuck? ok, so now today i talked to the manager, he says pay $695 and half the rent ($350) on October and then we will work on paying off the rest of the debt. This means i need $1049 by October first, though I am getting a roomate who's paying $350 deposit and $350 for the rent. which means I just need to pay $349 and i wont be evicted. now all i got to do is find a good roomate who will be ok with the living room. anyways got to go, im going to play some diablo and get my mind off all this shit.

three day notice

guess what! i just found out i got two days left on a three day notice and thats means thirty-two days left until they lock the doors and refuse to let me have a home! woo hoo; got to love the world. this all happen because i lost my job for almost two months didn't have a new one, the roomate i had Justin got back on drugs, and my other roomate, Beth- Trenton's mom... well she didn't pay $1200 of the money she should have. so basically i am flat poor with a huge debt, bad credit, a girl in Texas who loves me, and im fucking lost in this world right now. i am trying to sign up for Social Security and other things to help me (ex: FASFA for school) but i know it wont help me with the situation im in right now and i may have to struggle to live for the next couple months waiting for SS to even kick in. hopefully general assistance can help me with food stamps and stuff like that so i wont be starving. well please pray for me and hey Dorothy i know this sounds dumb but can we just be "the closest friends". Well anyways i got to get my fucking ass off blogger and find out more things i can do to fix the shit that's going on. i think im going to use this blogger more often, just because its a way for me to get rid of all the fucked up feelings inside of me right now.

ohhh and my mom says she would help but i treated her like shit, and i never call her! fuck that mom, YOUR JUST LIKE DAVE. have you called me and asked if i wanted to go for lunch? asked how i was doing? nah... you expect me to though. WHO'S THE MOTHER? Right now i am hurting and you are selfish to the point of you saying i dont really care about you? FUCK THAT.

oh and Veronica, did I loose you somewhere back when I said "i love you to death"? now i havent talked to you for what ten days and your just laying back enjoying life- thats good though i wouldnt want you to stress that your boyfriend is going through the worst time in his life being abandoned and used and winding up homeless... nah; wouldn't want you to see me while im weak.

and Vero (now renamed Ber) what do i do with you? your my kitty- but i cant bring you along if i cant even buy myself food! so now im stuck with only one choice; starve myself. im not giving you up because i chose to take care of you and i dont want to let you down; even if your just an annoying cat. i hope wherever i go they will love you and allow you to be with me; otherwise maybe i find you a good home for TEMPORARY until i get back on my feet; if i do get back on them that is.

well i looking at applying at homeless shelters if nothing else works out; i got no money so that may just be what i got to do- besides if i do that i might be able to get free money and a better job, also not having to pay much i can use the rest to clear my debts. well, that actually sounds like a better idea then finding a room for rent; unless of course the room comes with a better job, which is what im hopeing with this one lady my dad told me about a possible room with. ATT, i wonder what the chances are of her getting me a job, or recommending me. the big issue with moving is HOW TO FUCKING GET TO WORK! i wont be able to get to work if i move somewhere far, but if i wind up in a homeless shelter they could help me and i could find another job nearby... that would be nice. and my own room; would be helpful. i wonder if they'd accept me...

currently: sitting here, Nutty at my feet, one lamp on, quiet house, trying not to cry- no music... yet.